I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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