please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
