And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
