Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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