Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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