my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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