repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I didn't notice because vodka
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
