I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
