I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
