Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
