I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize