dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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