When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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