Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
