He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
