I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
