I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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