So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
