i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
