im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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