i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
