you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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