I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
