she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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