I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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