How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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