he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
