Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize