I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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