Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
