I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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