i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
