Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize