I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
