I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
