too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
