Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
