My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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