i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
