Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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