nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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