Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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