he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
