I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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