sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
