And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
