you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
