At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
