Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
