Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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