Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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