I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
