arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize