this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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