sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
