You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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