...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
