My underwear smells like fireworks.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
