Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
