i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
