I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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