I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
