guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
