you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
