dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
