you traded sex for a burrito?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
